So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
