I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
