Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
