No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
