I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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