I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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