Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
