YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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