he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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