Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
