my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
