so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
