Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
