Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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