I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think your dad took our porno
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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