Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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