New invention idea: vibrating tampons
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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