If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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