don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
