All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
