But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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