does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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