I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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