Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
