No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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