After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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