yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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