i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
