Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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