my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
