DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
