do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
