is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
