you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Randomize
