I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
