he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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