sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
