I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
