today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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