I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
