I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
