So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
