She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize