I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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