i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
