I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize