just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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