I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
