I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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