Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
