omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
