No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
