dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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