No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
