why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
