I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
