i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
