Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
