Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize