i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
