it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
