smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
