She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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