I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
