Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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