Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
