You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
